It's 6:22am, I've been up now for 25 min. I woke up this morning thinking "maybe it will be positive". Who did I think I was? Seriously. No, not me. Of course, it wouldn't happen, things like this just don't happen to me.
Warning: SELF PITY PARTY IN PROGRESS
I tested with first morning urine and of course, it was a BFN.
My flicker of light has just been turned off.
We don't have the money for another cycle, we don't have insurance coverage, I'm turning 36 years old next month. It sucks.
And tomorrow is Ethan's 6 month anniversary. 6 months that my precious baby was born still. We were so close. I could almost feel him, I thought we were in the home stretch. Fool. I'm such a fool. I wish I could go back to that day, if nothing else, to have him in my arms. My arms ache for him. I want to feel him, I want to cry my eyes out without stupid people telling me "he's in a better place". I want to hold him all day.
I miss you Ethan. I love you so much. You will forever be in my heart.