Saturday, May 23, 2009

A letter to my son, Ethan

Dearest Ethan,
My beloved son, a year ago you were born. You were born silenty at 1:29pm. You weighed 4 lbs 3 oz. and were 18 inches long. It was the hardest thing I had to do, to deliver your lifeless body into our awaiting arms. But it was also one of the best things I have done. It was one of the happiest days of my life, we finally were able to meet you. To see your beautiful face, we felt your beautiful curls. My precious Ethan, you looked just like Mommy. You were alive in my womb for 32 weeks, and they were the best weeks of my life. I still remember talking to you in the elevator at work. I remember how you would move and wiggle during my meetings, presentations at work. I love you and it comforts me to know that you felt this love. This I know for sure.

Today we celebrated your life, and as your big brother said, "We are celebrating his life and birth". Your big brother woke up today happy and excited, his first words this morning were "Mommy today is Ethan's birthday". It was a bittersweet day my love. Oh how we wish we would be able to blow out your 1st birthday candle with you. We were not given that opportunity but we thank God for allowing us the time we did have with you. We cherish those 32 weeks.

Your grandparents also came to visit for this very special day. It was a nice day, although a bit cloudy. We sat there and ate cupcakes to celebrate YOU. Your big brother blew out your candle after we sang Happy Birthday. Earlier in the day, he told me, "Mommy, it's kinda hard to celebrate a birthday when the person has died. I just want to be able to tell Ethan Happy Birthday, but he's not here". He's absolutely right. He also said you were going to have a big party in Heaven for your birthday, and you were probably playing the baby limbo with all of the clouds stringed together. He misses you tremendously.

I'm glad you entered our lives, and baby you continue to have a place in our family and will live forever in our hearts. You are my baby, my precious Ethan. We love you so much. Happy Birthday my love!

7 comments:

Monica H said...

Oh TW, this day, Ethan's birthday, sounds so beautiful. You celebrated his life and honored him in such a wonderful way.

Happy Birthday Ethan!

janis said...

((hugs)) such a beautiful letter, sweet. I am thinking of you, holding you in my heart. Much love to you.

Ya Chun said...

Happy Birthday Ethan.

Your older son sounds so thoughtful.

Two Hands said...

Beautiful and poignant.
Your older son sounds like an amazing person.
Sending you love and praying for peace and comfort today and always.

Monique said...

Happy Birthday, Ethan. Much love to all of you.

CLC said...

Such a beautiful letter. I am thinking of you and your whole family wishing Ethan were here to blow out his candles.

mrsmuelly said...

Happy birthday to Ethan! I'm glad that your family could share the day. (Sorry that I'm a bit behind on reading.)