We had an ultrasound and biophysical profile Thursday. All appears well for the time being. Our baby girl is weighing in at 2 lbs 8 ounces, she's in the 47th percentile. Not bad, I'm so afraid my gestational diabetes will affect her and will make her so big she won't be able to pass through the birth canal. Then I think of the possible things that can go wrong, shoulder distocia, anoxic brain injury, and the list goes on and on. That's the bad thing about knowing a little bit of information, it can be dangerous. I do think ignorance is bliss at times. We will have another ultrasound in 3 weeks to continue to monitor her growth.
On to other news, I had a bit of a scare last week, I was directly exposed to H1N1 virus. One of my patients coughed on my face as I was bending over to take his temperature. And of course, he tested positive for the flu virus. Just my luck huh. I'm on antivirals right now, I'm sure all is well, since I just passed the incubation period and nothing, no symptoms. Just one more day of the antiviral. I'm telling you, I must be a shit magnet. Then my employer informed me that I have to be reassigned to another area because the CDC recommends that pregnant health care workers be reassigned to non patient contact areas until further recommendation. I'm OK with this, I've already been exposed and don't want to take any chances.
I've had a rough past 2 weeks, lots of stress, Ethan's anniversary just right around the corner and oh yeah, my parents are on the verge of divorce after 45 years of marriage. I don't even want to get into the whole thing. I just wake up every morning and pray that I can get through the day. It's getting better, I'm here, surviving once again. I realize that although my parents impending divorce is difficult, NOTHING compares to the pain of losing your child.
Today on the eve of Mother's Day, I remember Ethan. I remember last years Mother's Day, all of the joy, the anticipation of holding my baby boy. I was 30 weeks pregnant last year, how I wish I would've known I only had 2 weeks left with him. I would've caressed my belly more, I would've told him how much I loved him. There's so much I wish I knew then. I would've tried to save his life.
To you my friends, I wish you a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!