I'm in my fertility doctor's office, I just had an ultrasound and saw the heartbeat, then suddenly I begin to have pelvic pain. I tell the nurse, the doctor comes in, tells me I have to go to the hospital. She walks me over, I look down, blood dripping down my leg. I am miscarrying, they ask me when was the last time I ate. I'm crying, thinking not another loss. I'm trying to reach my husband, I can't seem to find my cell phone. I'm walking through the hospital corridor, people are starring. Starring at the mess walking in front of them. I sit in a hospital chair, while the registration people get me registered. They give me another blanket, I'm cold. Kim, my fertility doctor's nurse, tells me she will buy me lunch when all of this is over. I ask if they will test for chromosome problems and she assures me they will. I'm asking why, why did it happen, I had just seen the heartbeat. Now, I feel something. It's between my legs, it's the sac carrying my baby.
The phone is ringing, I'm still dreaming. I finally manage to wake up. It's a familiar number, I think. I just missed it, went to voicemail. Yes, I'm wide awake now. I look down, no blood, it was just a dream. I call my voicemail, and to my surprise it's Dr. J. My OB, she's left me a message. She tells me she was so happy to find my chart on her desk upon her arrival from vacation. She's calling to tell me how excited and happy she is for me, and how she knows this will be very scary but we will get through it together. Her voice is full of glee and optimism.
That was the best wake up call I've ever had. A good way to bring me back to reality, to drag me out of that hellish nightmare.