Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Eve

Good bye 2008. What a year, I remember last NYE, I was pregnant, over the 12 week safety mark. I was eagerly awaiting the arrival of our baby.

Yet, even though Ethan was born still, I say good bye to 2008 with a heavy heart. 2008 was supposed to be our year, our year to welcome our baby. Jason was finally going to be a big brother. In ways I can't articulate well enough, I am sad today. I feel as though time is passing by and leaving my baby Ethan behind. Sometimes, I just want to go back to May 23rd 2008. To the day he was born. Because even if he wasn't breathing, I had him in my arms. I remember that day as being the saddest day and happiest day of my life. I finally got to meet my baby Ethan. I marveled at his beautiful face. His tiny ears folded over, just like my nephew Vinnie. And here we are saying goodbye to 2008 and it feels as if though we are in a sense saying goodbye to Ethan. But, I know in my heart, I will never ever be able to let go of my Ethan.

I wish all of you a peaceful entry to 2009. May we all have peace in our hearts tonight. Be safe. You are all always in my thoughts. Every time I hear one of your baby's names, I think of you all. Peace be with all of you tonight.

7 comments:

Monique said...

Thinking of you.

Two Hands said...

Ethan is carried as tenderly in your heart as he was in your arms - always. I wish you all the best for 2009, from the bottom of my heart.

Monica H said...

Two hands already said what I'm feeling for you. I do wish you a better, less eventful new year. And just because a new calendar begins, doesn't mean that Ethan will be forgotten.

c. said...

And with you, Travelwahine.

Lisa DG said...

All Ethan ever knew was your love. Best wishes in 2009 for you.

mrsmuelly said...

all has already been said, though I understand a sort of hesitance to leave 2008 behind despite the horrendous truth of loosing ethan. Starting this new year does not mean leaving him behind at all. He's walking through this pregnancy with you. After all, he hand picked his sibling!

Andrea said...

Well said...I have similar feelings about Alia's twin that died at 20 weeks. The best to you.