Saturday, March 14, 2009

Approaching 20 weeks...

And I am starting to get scared shitless. Tomorrow I will be 20 weeks, over the half way mark for me. I'm excited, yet extremely terrified of this baby dying. Although I have allowed myself to name this baby. My thought is, if something happens, I will need to name the baby anyway. I'm always afraid of testing fate again. I don't dare look at the baby aisle, on occasion I will browse online at baby stuff and then I jump back and think to myself I am getting way ahead of myself.

However, I am definitely looking very pregnant these days. I do marvel at my changing body once again, but only in private. Yet, now strangers are asking the ever present, question "Is this your first?" They all mean well I'm sure. But it stings so much, on the one hand, we have Jason. He's 6 years old, not biologically ours, but there is just no difference. Second, no this is not my first pregnancy, I also have a son, Ethan. Such a simple question, yet it elicits so many emotions.

As far as the pregnancy, all seems to be relatively well. I have been diagnosed with gestational diabetes again. But, it is diet controlled and I'm doing pretty well. Dr. J wanted to test me early since I had GD last time. My hypertension is under control. Even at 32 weeks pregnant with Ethan, I was running systolic blood pressures in the one teens. I haven't gained much weight this time around, only 5 lbs. I attribute it to my diabetic diet. NO FUN :( But, overall all seems well.

We had our 18 week extensive ultrasound, and all looks well. 4 chamber heart, 2 kidneys, 10 toes and 10 fingers. And the baby weighs 9 ounces already. My parents came to visit the night before to accompany us to the ultrasound. It meant so much to me. The night before, my Dad bought a dozen roses and gave them to me. He said they were not for me but for his GRANDDAUGHTER ! Well, he was absolutely right. We are having a GIRL!!! We have decided to name our little girl,
Lauren Daniella. Daniella after my Dad.


Addysmommy said...

I was the same exact way.. I stayed FAR away from the baby aisle until I was about hmm... 30 weeks along. I'm now 36 weeks pregnant and STILL in complete SHOCK! I hate when people ask if this is my first but I do always say "no this is my second" I love the name.. beautiful!! Congrats!

Monica H said...

Oh wow! What a wonderful post. A girl and a name. So sweet of your dad to give his granddaughter roses- I'm sure they won't be her last either.

I do love the name too. My middle name is Laurie and my mom's name is Laura so I always told mr. h that if we had a girl her middle name would be Lauren.

Are for the question of this baby being your "first"- just say No. It's not your first pregnancy or your first child. They don't need to know the details, unless of course you want to share them.

Congrats on reaching 20 weeks. I'm thrilled for you my dear.

mrsmuelly said...

Yeah! Another little girl :-) I love the name...especially that you are using your dad's name.

I'm right there with you on the scared part. You are totally allowed. It's hard to have blind faith with previous loss. I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine.

CLC said...

Lauren Daniella is a beautiful name! How exciting to have a little girl! How do you feel about it?

Monique said...

Very happy for you and I hope you can find some gentle moments amongst the fear.